Chasing After Zoom
by JaneApricity
Summary: Katnip is determined to find a dopple of her Hunter Zolomon that can love her, no matter what his earth or name is.
1. Chapter 1

I used to be sane.

In fact, I used to be very logical. I could reason with myself and others, doing the smart thing. Until Hunter Zolomon took me to his lair.

I, a good person, fell in love with a villain.

Even then I reasoned with myself. I knew it wouldn't last. I knew that we could never agree on good vs evil, that the difference was too great, that I would lose him in the end. I knew there would be no happy ending.

And I was right.

But when the unhappy ending came...

That was when I lost my sanity.

You can judge me. I've made my peace with the fact that I will be judged. I will be judged for loving a man who has killed hundreds of people, and tried to destroy every world in the multiverse. I will be judged for not stopping him. I will be judged for my emotions.

Let me now be judged for my actions.

Because I while I was right about everything else, I was wrong about one thing: I cannot live without Jay Garrick. So I will find him, no matter what name is using or what earth he is on.

No matter the cost to myself. Because without him, I have nothing. I am no one. And I love no one.


	2. Chapter 2

Cisco Ramone is the closest thing I have to a friend.

It's been a month since the Flash killed Zoom. I should have been alone all this time. Part of me wanted to be. But the people of S.T.A.R. Labs, as much as they hated Hunter Zolomon, can't bring themselves to turn me out entirely.

I think Harrison Wells might. He is the Harrison Wells of Earth-2, my earth, and the father of poor Jesse that Jay had kept in his lair.

I long to tell him how I had done what I could.

"I saved your daughter from being tortured!"

But I didn't help her escape.

At the end of the day, I didn't do what they did: kill him. Perhaps I can pretend it was just physically impossible. It wouldn't be a lie; Jay was just too fast.

Regardless, I don't need them to like me. Just help me.

Enter Cisco.

"Are you like Reverb?" I asked him, after about a week had passed. In that time, they'd set me up with food and had been checking my health and asking questions about Jay. But patience was already wearing thin. They had wanted me gone. And I wanted to leave.

I still do.

"Yeah. He's my evil dopple," Cisco said, tilting his chair back. "Why?"

"I need your help."

I felt small in the Cortext then. Everything was so bright compared to Zoom's lair, which had been my home for nearly two yeara before then.

"What with?" He furrowed one brow, watching me closely. I bit back any fear. I had stood up to Zoom before. This scrawny computer boy couldn't scare me.

"I want you to find me a new home."

"I have thirteen apartments In Central City and five in Starling that would be in your price range if you got a job at Jitters," he offered.

Someone was eager to get rid of me.

"Not on this earth," I said. "Another earth. I don't care which one. Just one with a Ja- Hunter lime mine."

"You have got to get over your bad-boy phase," he muttered, standing up. "Look, I'll see what I can do, but these Vibes kinda have a life of their own, ya hear me?"

I nodded.

Caitlin was quietly supportive. I can't even begin to imagine what she felt or was thinking. Abused and betrayed, lied to all the while. I know it's best to avoid her as much as possible. Regardless, she's always polite to me, if cold. I don't blame her in the least for it.

Barry is a bad liar. He doesn't like me, doesn't trust me, and wants me out of S.T.A.R. Labs. He makes his decisions through emotion, and his emotions dislike me greatly.

Wells tolerates me. He dislikes me and is plain about it, but never inhibits my ambitions. Whether he just wants me gone or whether he has a stroke of sympathy for me, I'm uncertain.

Cisco seems to judge me the least. He always works with me, searching through different earths mentally, describing each Jay to me in detail. I know he'll tire of it soon, but I need him to keep trying.

I need to be tolerated just a while longer. Then I can go home.


	3. Chapter 3

None of the Hunter Zolomons are quite right. Not all of them are Zoom, but none of them are Jay.

"This one's definitely got a Zoomish thing going on. Black suit, no blue lightning. Uh... he has some weird science thing going on in his lair. Dude, I think it's a meth lab."

"Definitely not."

Cisco takes off his glasses, giving me The Look. He'll slightly lower his chin but raise his eyebrows, looking up at me flatly.

"You don't mind him trying to take over an entire planet, but you draw the line with drugs?"

I can't explain it. Cisco knows. If anyone would understand that some things go deeper than words, it's Vibe.

"Perhaps," says Harrison Wells, walking into the room. "You should make yourself useful around S.T.A.R. Labs, Miss Claythorne."

I look up guiltily. I had relied on S.T.A.R. Labs and the people there for everything, but had nothing to give in return.

"I don't know that I'll be of any help," I say quietly.

"Dust, vaccuum, bring us coffee, clean the marker boards, there are many ways in which you can make yourself helpful at S.T.A.R. Labs, believe me."

"Don't touch my stuff," Cisco warns, walking backwards out of the room.

I look at Harrison.

"You understand, don't you? Being willing to do anything to get back the person you love."

"Yes I do, Miss Claythorne, and as I recall, you stood in the way of me doing exactly that." He's wiping down a board of numbers and letters, making quick, jerky movements.

"I never helped Zoom with anything," I say.

"You helped him by not resisting."

"I did resist," I snap. I don't know why. I will gain nothing by argument.

Wells stops moving, hand over his head on the board. He lowers his head, sighing.

"We'll try to find you a place you can call home, Claythorne. But please, remain the least irritating you can possibly be." He resumes wiping up past mistakes.

You cannot imagine what it feels like to go from being a person's most important person to being the least important person in not one but two worlds. All the worlds.

I want to lie and say I'm still fighting for Jay. But I know I'm fighting for myself. Because there isn't a Jay that misses me. The Jay-my Jay-is gone.

I straighten.

Or is he?

"Where is Allen?" I ask. I know Barry's identity, much to the others' dismay. But I have no wish to use it against him.

"CCPD," answers Harrison.

I'm gone in a flash.


	4. Chapter 4

I remember one day when Jay looked honestly and truly terrified.

I looked up. I had been cuffed to the bed for conversing too brashly with who I knew to be the "real" Jay Garrick.

"Something's wrong." I strained slightly at the cuffs, eager to reach out to him.

In an instant, they were gone and he was sitting beside me. Jay was staring into the middle distance, head down slightly, not really seeing anything in front of him.

"I thought I saw a Time Wraith."

"A Time Wraith?" I wanted to curl up against his back, hold him tightly and assure him all was well. But that would have been difficult since I wasn't even certain what he was so scared of.

"They're like the law keepers of time and the timelines. If you alter them too much... they seek you out." His voice was flat.

"You said you thought you saw one. You actually didn't?"

"No, I think I'm safe."

I put my arm around him and leaned my head on the back of his shoulder. "What do they do to you?"

"Suck the life out of you. The time out of you. So we think. No one knows where they're taken after that."

My stonach went cold at the thought.

But now it is on fire.

"Allen?" I ask, tentative. I'm in his forensics lab, where Jay had brought me during his "Metapocalypse" as they call it here.

"Hey," he says, walking over, a box of files in hand.

Barry stops. "Whaaaat are you doing here?" he asks once he sees me.

"I need to ask about Time Wraiths."

"Oh, no," he says, almost whinely as he sets down the box.

"Oh no what?" I pounce.

"Wells asked me not to say." He looks at me imploringly, tilting his head to the side as he non-verbally begs me not to press for information.

I press. I know their fears of Zoom, but if Wells knew that this was an avenue and directly told Barry not to tell me... I feel a fury.

"What do they do? Where did they take him?"

"Look, Katrine..." He squints at me, then shakes his head. "I don't know. I'm sorry."

I step closer.

"Please, Allen. I need to know what happened to him."

Barry sucks in a breath through his teeth, then sighs. "I'll see what I can find out, okay?"

I smile. My first smile in a long time.

"Okay."


	5. Chapter 5

I'm trying to absorb as much information as I can. I'm looking for anything concerning Time Wraiths, but S.T.A.R. Labs had so much on Hunter Zolomon. On Speedsters. On the differences between earths, Metahumans, science beyond many corporation's dreams.

I'm fascinated.

I kept backtracking through rabbit trails and falling down slippery-slopes of curiosity. They stored everything they learned without fail. Barry's health records, technological breakthroughs... and videos.

Cisco seemed to like videoing Barry's escapades. Some was to refine his techniques, I'm sure, and others were simply because Cisco liked having them as trophies. But some were far from celebratory.

"You're no hero," Caitlin said. "You're nothing but a monster."

I freeze the footage from the security system, watching Jay's face. Did Caitlin know what had happened between his parents when he was just a child? Did she know that those words were scarred onto his heart, seared in his mind? Did she know it would make him flinch?

Did she know she hurt him?

I can't blame her. Look at how many people he had hurt, how many he was hurting. But seeing the pain on his face still hurts me in turn.

"You just don't care how many lives you destroy trying to get it? How many people you kill?" Barry had asked.

"No, I don't. That feeling was taken from me a long time ago."

That was the feeling I wanted to give back to him. Even when I deluded myself into thinking that I knew it couldn't be permanent, I'd wanted at least a few moments where he cared. About anything.

About me.

I hear footsteps behind me and close out of the security system, turning off the computer. I wonder if I can do it again. Fight the same battles with the same man, arguing that he could care, that he should care. I wonder if it's possible. If I'm up for it.

Then I see his face. Not the hateful crackle of electricity. Not the broken flinch. But the grin. Insane, perhaps. Sadistic, even.

And I know I can never stop fighting.

"Ready to give this another shot?" Cisco asks, walking into the Cortex and holding up his glasses.

"Always ready," I reply.


	6. Chapter 6

Cisco thinks that he's found the perfect Hunter Zolomon.

Perhaps he has. I'm not going to stop him from attempting to reach this new Hunter. But it's not the man I'm hunting.

Because I want to find the real Jay Garrick.

I think I can. Those Time Wraiths may not have killed him. He may still exist, just trapped in a prison-like dimension. I don't know enough yet, but perhaps I can soon.

Right now, I'm watching Jay's dopple. Or one of them, at least. This earth's Hunter Zolomon seems so peaceful. I wonder if it's a front, or if he truly doesn't have a Zoom hidden away somewhere.

"You can't lock up the darkness."

Jay had liked to say that. At times, I wonder if he's right. If I'll snap and become like him.

I wonder if I want to.

Of course part of me does. It would be easier to just accept all of him. But I can't.

I can love him and rebuke him. I don't have to accept the evil. I can lock my own away, keep it hidden as long as I can. Hopefully as long as I'm alive.

Hunter never looks up at me. At anyone. Sometimes he'll look up at the trees, or at the park around him I wonder what he does when he comes to this park. He seems to be a literary man. Scholarly. Smart.

Jay was smart. He would have to be, to get as far as he did.

It hurts a little to watch Hunter. He looks so like Jay. But it reminds me why I'm fighting. There's a seriousness to Hunter's face that I saw from time to time in Jay's. And the lack of black eyes or blue lightning, like in the moments I loved him best.

Hunter looks out at the park, book dangling from his fingers. I stand.

I have battles to fight. Not dopples to stalk.

"Hey."

I freeze. It's Jay's voice. I know it! I hear it.

I turn to face the man who isn't Jay.

"You look familiar," he says. He points a corner of his book at me. "Like a girl I grew up with. Katrine."

I swallow. Of course I have a dopple here.

"I don't think I'm your Katrine," I say.

"I apologize then," he said. "I'm Hunter Zolomon."

"I'm... I am Katrine, thought. Katrine Claythorne."

"But you're not the Katrine Claythorne I knew? She looked like you. Mexican, maybe?"

I give a small smile. "I'm sorry. I'm not your friend."

And you are not mine. You cannot be mine.

He's too... lacking. Lacking in something. The fact that I can't put my finger on what exactly makes me fear that I love Jay's Zoom. His darkness.

Maybe I do. Maybe I don't know. But I know I must find him. The right him.

I step forward and put a hand on Hunter's.

"You've seen stranger things in this city. But we don't know one another. Not really. But if you find your Katrine..." My mind flashes to who I was without my Hunter. "Give her something to live for if she doesn't already."

I walk away.

Perhaps, in the end, that's all. My Jay gave me something to live for. To change him. To hear him call me Katnip one last time. To see his eyes go black and his suit crackle blue and know I wasn't done.

I need that. I need to see him again. To hear him and feel him.

I need Jay Garrick.


	7. Chapter 7

"Cisco?" I call, walking into the Cortex. He's at the curved desk, typing madly as statistics fluctuate before him.

"Whaddup, Kat?" He spins his chair around, holding out his hand like he's presented me with a gift.

"I think I've found a way to let you be done with me."

Cisco raises his eyebrows. "Does that mean you don't like the Zoom I found? Cause he was legit."

I look at him, feeling small and weak. "I don't know if it can be the same."

Cisco sighs. "Of course not." He turns back to his computer.

"Wait!" I step forward. "I think there's another solution."

"You get a job and an apartment and become a normal human being?" he suggests hopefully.

"You Vibe outside of time, not into different universes."

Cisco turns around. One half of his face is deadpan, the other half intrigued. "Say what now?"

I explain eagerly.

"We don't know where the Time Wraithes took him or what they did to him. I think Wells is trying to cover it up because he's afraid for his daughter." A sentiment I sympathize with, but can't bring myself to sacrifice for. "If Barry can come out of the Speed Force-"

"...how did you know about that?"

"-then surely Hunter can come out of wherever he is."

Cisco regards me for a long time. Such a long time that I fear he'll deny me my request. Then he stands up.

"What the hell. Worth a try." He flashes a grin.

He begins walking through S.T.A.R. Labs, and I follow. We end up in his work shop, which has been abandoned for lunch hour. I find myself without appetite, which aggravates me. I shouldn't need Jay to bring me my food, but without him, it all tastes like styrofoam.

"So here's the thing. I work through connections, by my best bet. It took a connection as strong as Iris to reach Barry, which I still don't know how you knew, by the way. So I'm going to need you-" He spins around, a device in hand. "-to actually talk to him. No pulling anyone out yet, or I am D-E-A-D, dead."

I nod obediantly. I won't throw away any chances at redemption when I know I can return to him, assuming this works.

Cisco places the device on his head, then takes my hand. The contact shocks me. The last time I'd touched anyone was Caitlin handing me a S.T.A.R. Labs sweatshirt upon my arrival.

A pillar of storm rises around us, lightning flashing ominously through murky purple clouds. It feels dramatic, but everything in my life is now.

"No touching him!" Cisco warns loudly. Then Cisco vanishes.

I am alone in the storm. There's nothing but darkness. Weightlessness. Timelessness. I can't explain it, but it's there. Or rather, it isn't.

"Jay?" I call tentatively. "Jay? Are you here?"

Silence.

Time passes.

Or more accurately, it doesn't.

Then there's a skull in front of me. A flutter of brown cloth.

I'm not easily startled by sudden appearances after living with Zoom, but the affects of adrenaline are immediate. I can't hear a thing as blood rushes, everything races and hurts as my heart beats far too quickly. I'm jerked out of my storm and into S.T.A.R. Labs once more.

But Cisco is gone. And I am all alone.

I have never been more alone.


	8. Chapter 8

I sit in the Cortex for some time, wondering if I should contact the others. Well, of course I should. But I don't know how.

I don't know why I'm alone. Wells lives here. Barry and Caitlin work here. Cisco is the only soul I've seen today. Him, and the Time Wraith.

I cannot shake the feeling that Wraith gave me. A familiar cold in the pit of my stomach.

I freeze, shaking. What if the Wraiths didn't just take Hunter there? What if he became one of them? The punishment of breaking too many of the laws of time could very well be to punish similar speedsters.

Wells comes into the Cortex. I waste no time.

"Cisco might be in danger," I say, standing up. "Follow me."

Wells wastes no time either, but I see both a fear and a hatred harden in his actions. He blames me already. I reel at the judgement, but take it. The price of my actions. Or inaction.

"I asked him to look in a place outside of time. I saw a Time Wraith and was back here, but Cisco's gone."

"Why would you do such a thing?" Harrison Wells demands, smacking a table with his hand. The tools jump and clatter.

"Because no one was giving me answers," I snap. I bite back the impatient tone. It's too much like Hunter's. "We'd agreed to only look, but he seems to have actually gone there."

Wells runs a hand through his hair, the other on his hip.

"I don't know that we can reach him. He may have to Vibe his way back-assuming he can."

"Can't we harness Barry's speed to transcend time?" I ask. I know next to nothing about physics, theories or the Speed Force, but it seems S.T.A.R. Labs can solve any problem by running fast enough.

Wells looks at me, then turns and pulls a cap off a marker with jerky movement.

"I'll see what I can do," he says, voice hoarse.

I tell the others as they arrive at different times. I hate doing it, but who else can? It is my fault in the end, after all. Caitlin goes pale with fear, Barry red with anger.

"When will Zoom stop hurting us?" demands Jesse. "Even the grave doesn't stop it."

You'd be happy, dear, I think with a dash of bitterness. Here I am, causing mayhem and crushing hope.

I want to leave, but I can't. I want to cry, but I won't. I want to find my jay, but I shouldn't.

I can only find one solution.

I start to check on Wells, but stop by the Flash first. He doesn't look like the mighty slayer of Zoom. He just looks like a terrified, angry, grieving young man. He looks like me, but not nearly as powerless.

"Run, Barry," I whisper to him. "Run."


	9. Chapter 9

The timeless place is my least favorite non-place, I decide. I can't even describe what it's like as I'm there. I had hoped it would be somewhat dark and removed from time, like Jay's lair. But this place was simply wrong.

"Cisco?" I call. "Cisco? Barry! Jay! Cisco!"

There are no replies.

Then there's a skull and fluttering cloth in front of me. I don't scream, but I slip into another panicky state.

Just behind the wraith is Cisco. He looks more confused than terrified. Has any time passed for him? For us? What if when I return, a decade has passed? A century? I have nothing to lose, but Cisco and Barry have everything.

"Let him go," I say to the wraith. There is no shake to my voice. I've commanded Jay too many times to let fright show.

"Time remnant," mumbles Cisco. "Kat, he keeps saying Time Remnant. It's just..." He holds his hands on either side of his head. "Buzzing in my brain."

"Cisco, we're here to rescue you," I say. I try to step past the wraith and take Cisco's hand, but the wraith blocks my path. It doesn't seem violent. But why is it guarding Cisco?

"Rescue me?" Cisco looks up at me, confusion growing.

"It's been days, Cisco," I say. "We need to leave. But this wraith won't let you."

"Time remnant. Why do you keep saying that?" Cisco demands of the wraith.

I look at the floating skull.

"Jay?" I whisper.

Familiar cold.

"They made you one of them," I whisper. I reach out to touch his skull.

"Katrine, no! Don't do it!"

I turn. Barry is behind me, in his red suit and looking very frightened.

"Okay, we need to go. Now," Barry says.

Cisco takes a step forward. "Bro, I'm tryin'. But this guy doesn't want me to leave."

"It's Jay," I say, feeling sick. "Hunter."

"No way," Cisco breathes. Barry only looks more agitated.

"Katrine, tell him to let Cisco go," Barry urges.

I face Jay. "You're telling Cisco 'time remnant'?" The wraith seems to nod, but I can't really tell. "Okay. Okay, I understand," I lie. "Please, let him go. I can come back for you."

"Time remnant," Cisco says again. "He's like, screaming now."

"I understand!"

And then we're back in S.T.A.R. Labs, an anxious Caitlin and Wells watching.

"That was tri-i-ippy," Cisco says. "How much time passed? I swear, Kat and I were gone two minutes tops."

"Why didn't you come right back?" Caitlin asks. I know she's dying to give us-well, Barry and Cisco-checkups.

"One Time Wraith was keeping Cisco behind," Barry says. "Guys, Katrine thinks it was Hunter."

"Why?" Wells demands.

I know he's asking why I thought it was Jay, but I hace more pressing issues.

"He kept telling Cisco 'time remnant'," I say. "Like it was a message for me."

"Maybe his mind is... I dunno, trapped in the final momemts? He can only obsess about the fact that I made one to defeat him?" Barry suggests.

"That," says Wells. "Is one possibility."

I wonder. What are the others?


	10. Chapter 10

S.T.A.R. Labs has gone back to normal. Or what's normal for S.T.A.R. Labs, at least. Everyone is so happy. Even Caitlin, though I know she's emotionally and mentally healing.

I am not. I cannot be. I still have to hunt.

Or perhaps I can be. I simply don't want to. I don't find it intolerable. The people of S.T.A.R. Labs are nothing but good. They're what I wanted to see Jay become, deep down. And they're efficient, when Barry cooperates.

S.T.A.R. Labs itself is wonderful. It's bright and clean, thanks to me. It's always busy and positive. It's everything Zoom's lair wasn't.

There's a fantasy lurking in my deepest wishes, one that I won't indulge. One where Hunter is Jay and Jay is with me and I am here and here is home. One that can never, ever be.

In part, because Jay is Hunter, and Hunter is Zoom. S.T.A.R. Labs will never trust him again. They barely trust me, and I doubt that they ever could. But also because Jay simply... isn't. He's a Time Wraith, and none of his dopples are him.

His words ring in my head. Time

Remnant Time Remnant Time Remnant. Cisco says he heard no other words, and it seems that after he was certain I'd understood, he had nothing more to say.

I long to go back there. To be with Jay, whatever his form. Perhaps by the time I could change him back, or exit the Timeless Rift, I would be in a new time period. One where they don't remember Zoom, where I have no living dopple, where Jay and I could just... be. In peace.

But none of that has even the slightest percentage of success, so I try to focus on the things around me.

I find myself in the park again, watching Hunter. I can't help but wonder if some part of him knows that his dopple has been taken out of time and turned into one of it's lawkeepers. I know he can't, but they look so similar. I feel like they should.

I look down at the ground to watch a stray pigeon peck at nothing. Part of me feels I can pull a decent analogy from the image, but I refrain. I can leave that to the team at S.T.A.R. Labs... they do love their drama.

I look back up see a woman join Hunter. And to my shock, she's me.

She looks Native American, at least in part. She's dressed in fancier clothes than I've ever worn-I've always worn simple clothing. She smiles when she sees Hunter. He closes his book, smiling up at her as well.

That breaks my voyeuristic trance. His smile has no insanity or passion. Just kindness. It's the same as Jay's, but the opposite. This is not my Jay, and watching him will not unravel his puzzle.

I stand up to leave the park, and then they are beside me.

"See, Katrine? She looks just like you," Hunter says. "Thank you, by the way. I should have tried to reach out to Katrine long ago." He touches her hand. Gentle, like he's afraid of startling her off.

She does look a little startled, but more at me.

"Woah, were we separated at birth or something?" she asks, inspecting me.

"No, no. Nothing like that." I need to leave. I can't be more involved in this. I can't burden them with their dopples. With me. With Jay. "But I'm glad it all worked out." I take a step back.

Their eyes widen even more. But they aren't looking at me-they're looking behind.

I turn, but nothing is there. I look back at the couple.

"Weird," Katrine mutters. "I could have sworn I just saw your twin too." She leans a little closer to Hunter.

My breath catches in my throat.

"I need to go," I say. No time for subtlety. I take off running for S.T.A.R. Labs.


	11. Chapter 11

S.T.A.R. Labs has gone back to normal. Or what's normal for S.T.A.R. Labs, at least. Everyone is so happy. Even Caitlin, though I know she's emotionally and mentally healing.

I am not. I cannot be. I still have to hunt.

Or perhaps I can be. I simply don't want to. I don't find it intolerable. The people of S.T.A.R. Labs are nothing but good. They're what I wanted to see Jay become, deep down. And they're efficient, when Barry cooperates.

S.T.A.R. Labs itself is wonderful. It's bright and clean, thanks to me. It's always busy and positive. It's everything Zoom's lair wasn't.

There's a fantasy lurking in my deepest wishes, one that I won't indulge. One where Hunter is Jay and Jay is with me and I am here and here is home. One that can never, ever be.

In part, because Jay is Hunter, and Hunter is Zoom. S.T.A.R. Labs will never trust him again. They barely trust me, and I doubt that they ever could. But also because Jay simply... isn't. He's a Time Wraith, and none of his dopples are him.

His words ring in my head. Time  
Remnant Time Remnant Time Remnant. Cisco says he heard no other words, and it seems that after he was certain I'd understood, he had nothing more to say.

I long to go back there. To be with Jay, whatever his form. Perhaps by the time I could change him back, or exit the Timeless Rift, I would be in a new time period. One where they don't remember Zoom, where I have no living dopple, where Jay and I could just... be. In peace.

But none of that has even the slightest percentage of success, so I try to focus on the things around me.

I find myself in the park again, watching Hunter. I can't help but wonder if some part of him knows that his dopple has been taken out of time and turned into one of it's lawkeepers. I know he can't, but they look so similar. I feel like they should.

I look down at the ground to watch a stray pigeon peck at nothing. Part of me feels I can pull a decent analogy from the image, but I refrain. I can leave that to the team at S.T.A.R. Labs... they do love their drama.

I look back up see a woman join Hunter. And to my shock, she's me.

She looks Native American, at least in part. She's dressed in fancier clothes than I've ever worn-I've always worn simple clothing. She smiles when she sees Hunter. He closes his book, smiling up at her as well.

That breaks my voyeuristic trance. His smile has no insanity or passion. Just kindness. It's the same as Jay's, but the opposite. This is not my Jay, and watching him will not unravel his puzzle.

I stand up to leave the park, and then they are beside me.

"See, Katrine? She looks just like you," Hunter says. "Thank you, by the way. I should have tried to reach out to Katrine long ago." He touches her hand. Gentle, like he's afraid of startling her off.

She does look a little startled, but more at me.

"Woah, were we separated at birth or something?" she asks, inspecting me.

"No, no. Nothing like that." I need to leave. I can't be more involved in this. I can't burden them with their dopples. With me. With Jay. "But I'm glad it all worked out." I take a step back.

Their eyes widen even more. But they aren't looking at me-they're looking behind.

I turn, but nothing is there. I look back at the couple.

"Weird," Katrine mutters. "I could have sworn I just saw your twin too." She leans a little closer to Hunter.

My breath catches in my throat.

"I need to go," I say. No time for subtlety. I take off running for S.T.A.R. Labs.


	12. Chapter 12

I run into S.T.A.R. Labs so quickly that Cisco seems concerned.

"Woah, woah, slow your roll there, Kat," he says. "What's on your tail?"

"Zoom," I gasp, sitting in the chair beside his. I'm not used to running, ironically.

"What?!" Cisco sits up, his face gone slack.

"I think. I think I understand what Jay- the Time Wraith was trying to say."

"I thought we decided he was fixated on Barry's Time Remnant?" Cisco says hesitantly.

"Please. Vibe him. Zoom. On this earth," I beg.

"There are many issues with that, Miss Claythorne," saya Harrison Wells, entering the Cortex.

I face him, determined not to show any emotion. But I was full of excitement and trepidation, all of which I'd allowed Cisco to see.

"First of all," says Harrison. "It's entirely out of character for Zoom to ignore an enemy. You cannot suggest that for the past weeks he's allowed us to continue peacefully, without any sort of contact with you."

I can't argue with this.

"And secondly, Zoom is very, very gone," he says.

"There is no corpse, and even if there were, he's known to have been in more than one place at a time," I reply. "You knew this was an alternative. You know it still, so why are you trying to prevent it?"

"Kneeeew what?" Cisco looks between us, confused.

"Believe it or not," Harrison says, raising his voice slightly. "I would be extremely disappointed to find my archnemesis still alive and hunting me and the people I care about."

The words hit me like a kick to the stomach. Of course. He's the bad guy. How can I continue to forget this? Continue to forget how he's hurt people here? Hurt and killed so many people.

What they do for me here at S.T.A.R. Labs is a kidness beyond reason, not a duty.

"Please. Can I just try?" I ask.

"Try what?" Cisco presses.

Harrison regards me for a moment. I feel as though I can hear Jay whispering to me to put on am act. Throw in fake tears, manipulate him. Whatever it takes. But then I take the step from chasing after Jay to becoming Zoom.

He faces Cisco. "Katrine and I believe Zoom may have left behind a Time Remnant of himself."

"Oooh m- that could work," Cisco says, rolling one hand in the air as he considers it.

"Perhaps," Harrison says. "But I advise extreme caution. This project of yours has been fsr too dangerous."

I nod in assent, eager to find Jay and leave. No more questioning if S.T.A.R. Labs is my home, no more questioning if Cisco is a friend, no more questioning if I'll wake to find Harrison's knife in my back for Jesse's sake.

Cisco nods.

"Let's vibe a villain," he says with slightly too big a grin.

"Lets," echoes Harrison, watching me flatly.

I nod, fighting both tears and a smile. I would save all my emotion for Jay, just as I had saved my hate for so many years.

I had hoped to use that to battle grief, perhaps even allow me to finish him. But they lie about it bottling up. Perhaps for a few months or so, but after so many years, I'd found most of it to have dissipated. It was so much more superficial than I'd thought. It had done nothing to battle my grief.

I wasn't so good at goodbyes. I wasn't so prepared to let go.

I needed, if nothing else, a final goodbye. A proper goodbye. Not one with evil plans or desperate beggings of him to stop.

Not with Zoom and Katrine. With Jay and Katnip.

I would chase that as fast and long as I had to.


	13. Chapter 13

"You've spent the most time with him," Harrison had said.

Even that wasn't enough time. There were mere moments, strung together with hours of solitude. No wonder I'm not quite sane anymore.

Cisco puts on his glasses before placing a hand on my arm. He begins to narrate what he sees.

"I'm in... some back-alley, I can't really tell where. Wait- there's some posters for a country singing act at a bar. Solitary Pigeon. Rip-offs," he says with a snort.

"Do you see Zoom?" asks Harrison. "Be certain you're not vibing Claythorne's dopple by accident."

"I don't see her... I don't see Zoom either. Wait! He just went past. Oooh my g-you weren't lying, Kat! I wonder if he saw me..."

I pull my arm from his hand, jerking him back into reality.

"Thank you, Cisco." The words are heart-felt. Sincere.

He pulls off his glasses and nods at me.

"Thank you," I say a little more stiffly to Harrison. He's been kinder than I deserve, and I owe him the words. He nods as well.

I leave.

I'll walk every street of this city to find him, I think to myself, setting out to do just that.

I walk for a very long time. The sun sets and the city's night-life begins to buzz, illuminated by neon and streetlamps. The backalleys aren't safe, I'm certain, but I'm careful. I avoid people. And I feel-deep down-that even if trouble finds me, Jay will get to me first. Whatever the reason behind his avoiding me, he can't hate me.

My steos grow heavy and my breathing shallow as the night wears on. The sun rises, and I'm too tired. But I press on just a little further.

I find Cisco's alley. It must be... there are the posters he described all plastered to one wall-the only place I've found them in this city.

I slump against the opposite wall, sitting on a flat wooden crate with the bricks of the building behind me pressing into my back. I wait.

A man comes out of the bar's kitchen with the trash. He gives me a look mixed with confusion and pity.

The sun moves overhead. A few people have seen me as they walk past. I'm growing hungry, but I don't dare move. I could miss him by seconds.

The man comes out again. He sets down a paper plate with some food before going inside without a word. I lean forward to take it gratefully, feeling the brick's imprint tattooed on my back.

The sun sets. Lights flicker on. No lightning flickers past.

I fall asleep, my face pressed against the splinters of my crate, gone wet with tears.

I wake to a pale sun and the sounds of traffic, blocked by a dark form and a familiar voice.

"Come on," says Harrison. He lifts me gently from my lying down position. "Let's get you back."

Back. At first I think of Zoom's lair, dark and comforting. Then I see S.T.A.R. Labs, bright and... hopeful.

Something like a sob shakes my frame, and I grip the edges of my crate. Why can't I have both? Why can't I have hope and Jay?

Where is Jay?

"I know," says Harrison gently with a bit of a grunt as he hauls me to my feet. "I know what you're feeling."

I know he does.

He has both, I think. Jesse and S.T.A.R. Labs. Earth-2 and Earth-1. His old life and his new one.

I allow him to help me to the S.T.A.R. Labs van. I get in. During the drive, neither of us say a word. We don't have to.

We understand.

* * *

 **I've been looking forward to this chapter ever since Kat came to S.T.A.R. Labs. I knew I wanted her relationship with Harry to progress, but it took me some time in doing so. I really hope you all enjoyed this bit, because I loved writing it almost as much as I disliked writing avoidant Time Remnant!Zoom.**


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